I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
