I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
