Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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