I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
