I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
