Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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