My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
