so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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