he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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