I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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