We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
