Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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