The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
