Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
