At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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