Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
