just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
