I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
