I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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