google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
