Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
