I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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