I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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