My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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