I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
