We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
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