So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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