If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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