if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
