The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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