i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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