You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
