At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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