just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
