Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
