she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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