drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
