I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
