Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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