I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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