Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
