totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize