I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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