theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
