I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
