it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you made out with another girl for some wings
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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