youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
