Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
