my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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