TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My balls are so social today.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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