I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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