can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
