I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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