none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
