Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
