You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
