her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
