Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
