no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
