why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
