Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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