guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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