I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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