At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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