loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
