I puked a lego.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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