Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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