I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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