I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
