i just wanna soil my oats bro
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
