i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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