my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
