i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
