The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
