i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
